My last week is here.

Seven days left in Charlotte and I am all alone.  My mom, who is normally my human contact outside of work, is in Panama. I won't get to talk to her until I get home.  The vast majority of the time that I was here, I was in a wonderful relationship with a girl who, I just realized today, thought much more of me than I deserve and more than I think of myself .   I did not deserve to have her. I do not deserve to have her.  I have a dark heart. I am empty. I am lost. God set me up. I'm sure of it. And now I am siting here ignoring him. writing about Him as if he would never know. I am single. I work a lot. I am poor. My family is far far away. I am alone. My decision to end the relationship with her was/ is the most heart-wrenching experience I have had in my short life on this earth.  It was right, but that knowledge makes it no less hard.  My friends are far away, and the few true friends I have here were somewhat driven away by my ending of what they thought was a good relationship.  I am not ready. I am so far from being ready it is not even funny.  I have broken hearts and had mine broken, even by me.  I am lonely.  God set me up. He made me alone because I will always be alone. GOd is the only one that will ever know my thoughts. God is the only one that will know the essence and details of my emotions.  He knows me. If God is here, why do I have to look for him. People have been looking for God for so long and all along He has been there, wherever that may be.   He is omnipresent and omnipotent you dumbasses!!! Live! Love! God will be there. I am not alone. God is here. I am safe. I have a friend. I just realized this.